kendall69
Palm Springs California
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Joined: 05/02/2004
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I have had a few friends who when I learn of their actions I refuse to be friends with any longer. For me what a person does says a lot about their character.
I had a friend who bragged to me that he cheated on his wife, I wasn't impressed and I walked away from that friendship. Another cheated someone, I walked away from that person, another was a liar, I said bye bye.
I don't need people in my life with character that goes against mine.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not a Holy Roller, but certain things I won't put up with.
Drunk driving - that would be the last day I talked to that person.
Granted I have few friends but the friends I have are true friends, and I know they won't lie, cheat or otherwise be unfriend like to me.
2002 - Bigfoot M-29G, 2004 Jeep Rubicon Toad
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Skid Row Joe
On the road in America
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Joined: 04/26/2006
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She sounds stupid to me to whine.
I wouldn't listen to it, or worry with it Rebecca. Take care.
I have a sweet tender nature, however I enjoy sharing my thoughts and opinions. 
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Doug4.7
Hartselle, AL, USA
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Joined: 10/02/2003
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Nascarcruzin wrote:She whines about what his injuries might cause in the future, i.e. hip replacement, etc.... The problem may be she is worried about what her child's dumb mistake will do to her life. That is the problem with drunk driving accidents, a whole lot more people are affected than just the one who was drinking.
I do understand your ambivalence about feeling sorry for her child. The kid did not deserve what happened, but it is a consequence of his actions (SECOND DUI??!?!). It is sad he has to live with the consequences of his actions. I know someone who drank & drove for years (and still may) and as long as I knew him (he was a college roommate), he never once was punished for DUI.
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CatandJim
Tulsa, as in Oklahoma
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Joined: 08/23/2004
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Quote: Am I mean or what?
I would guess "or what" Rebecca since you don't seem like the mean spirited type to me. We can't help but feel strongly about certain things, depending upon our life experience.
I remember when your son was hurt so badly in that awful accident and how worried you were about his recovery. I can't recall if there was alcohol involved (in the other car) but it may have hardened you just bit whether there was drinking or not. No shame in that, just a life experience that shapes how we think & react. Perhaps your friend wasn't as supportive as you would liked during your son's recovery(?)... maybe it's her reaction to her son's bad choices that caused his injuries that you don't accept. Whatever, it's not exactly mean of you to have strong feelings.
Speaking of reacting, perhaps you are doing her a greater kindness by not commenting than if you would actually speak your mind. The old if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything.
Cat
(Jim just reads the forum once in a while)
Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle....
Live simply, love wholly, give generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
Our toys: Sunline T2499 & ProCraft Fish & Ski
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Skid Row Joe
On the road in America
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Joined: 04/26/2006
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Nascarcruzin wrote:His 2nd DUI. I have known her for 20 years and I love her, so I consider her a friend; I just don't understand the way she feels. My son had an accident, his fault, no DUI, though, and I didn't baby him. I have been told I am "hard."
Rebecca Second DUI.......unreal. These people have problems/issues.
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Jumbo Cranium
Texas where else
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Joined: 02/04/2005
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kendall69 wrote:I have had a few friends who when I learn of their actions I refuse to be friends with any longer. For me what a person does says a lot about their character.
I had a friend who bragged to me that he cheated on his wife, I wasn't impressed and I walked away from that friendship. Another cheated someone, I walked away from that person, another was a liar, I said bye bye.
I don't need people in my life with character that goes against mine.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not a Holy Roller, but certain things I won't put up with.
Drunk driving - that would be the last day I talked to that person.
Granted I have few friends but the friends I have are true friends, and I know they won't lie, cheat or otherwise be unfriend like to me.
Wow, your few friends must all reside in a monestary. I can overlook a few issues for a true friend. I certainly hope my friends don't judge my every human misstep.
Roger
Shelley, my sweet baby.
2006 3/4 ton Dodge QC CUMMINS 6 speed manual
2005 24' Trail Cruiser 5er
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PopcornJunkie
Rainy Northwest
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Joined: 10/20/2005
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PopcornJunkie wrote:Jumbo Cranium wrote:Wow, your few friends must all reside in a monestary. I can overlook a few issues for a true friend. I certainly hope my friends don't judge my every human misstep.
I don't expect my friends to be perfect because no one is perfect. However, I would not continue being friends with someone who was bragging about cheating on a spouse. I would be nice to that person in passing or if we were at the same event. I wouldn't call them up to chat, nor would I want to go to the movies or dinner together. Now, I would continue a friendship if someone felt sorry for a past affair and did what they could to repair the pain they'd caused their spouse.
If a friend asked me to cover for her while she was cheating, I'd say NO and I wouldn't want to continue that friendship. A true friend wouldn't ask me to lie for her. She would just be using me.
I would be friends with someone who had a drug problem in the past. I wouldn't hang out with someone who was always drunk or high on drugs. Not only is it uncomfortable for me, but it might be unsafe.
Jean
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Camperroo
Someday it'll be FL or AZ...no snow!
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Joined: 10/18/2001
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Your friend sounds like she's just being a mom. The kid has a problem if it's his second DUI, maybe her talking about worrying about his future problems with his injuries is her actually trying to say she's upset that he has a drinking problem but can't get those words out. Personally I would tell her I'm sorry for his injuries, thank goodness he didn't kill anyone and then end it with can I help you in anyway if you're looking for guidance in his drinking issues. She may be trying to start a dialogue she just can't get out. I think she needs a gentle hand of support because I don't think it's the injuries she's actually worried about.
"Time with your family is time well spent"
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rondynowincomfort
Lebanon, OR.
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Joined: 08/05/2004
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I think there must be a way for you to sympathize with her, while not excusing her sons stupidity. If she is your friend she may just be looking for support in her in her misery. Something like, "Well it is to bad he may face future medical problems, but at least he is alive, didn't kill anyone who was innocent, or himself." Then tell her as much as she loves her son, she needs to face the fact that he screwed up bad, and she shold be grateful that it is not worst.
I would not sympathize with her son, but would offer some compassion to her, because she is a victim in this mess. Prehaps since this is his second DUI, he does have a problem and needs some serious help. His mother is being that, his mother.
I don't think you are being hard, I think you are reacting the way most of us would.
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whimstock
North Texas
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Joined: 08/09/2004
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I am as "moral" as anyone commenting here, and I am stunned at the reaction of most of the posters...both with regard to an injured person (whether or not he is "reaping the rewards of his own actions"  or not....) and the so-called standards some have for their friends.
My gosh! I feel for some of you if you ever have to walk in another's shoes.
There was a thread here recently about rudness in young people; maybe it would be better to question compassion, forgiveness, understanding and tolerance in ourselves.
(I am not speaking about you, Rebecca.)
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