Southern Peach
Ellerslie, Georgia, USA
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Joined: 05/12/2004
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We have a friend who's first husband and child were killed by a drunk driver 20 years ago. Many people refer to a DUI death as an "accident". People Choose to drive drunk. Sadly, its the court system that allows repetitive drunk drivers to be on the roads. Perhaps, this young man will take a long hard look at the consequences of his act and learn a lesson from it. It could change his life for the better. The parents need to stop making excuses for him.
Kathy
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Vulcaneer
Northern New England
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Joined: 10/17/2007
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Hornet28BHDS wrote:You're not a bad friend. There would be no sympathy from me either!
Your not a bad friend. Maybe not much of a friend at all. She has a lot on her plate right now. And she needs a good friend. Maybe she is also dealing with legal issues, embarrassment, property damage, law suits. She did not make her son drive drunk. And probably would never condone that he do that. So get beyond the issue you spoke of, and work on being a good friend to her. And hope she never needs to prove to you, that she will always be there for you, in your time of need.
And the OP mentions nothing about a second DUI. Only that he was arrested for multiple infractions. One of which is a DUI.
I have never been arrested for DUI. But there are many times I should have. I am not proud of that. It certainly wasn't due to my parents. And I have not driven drunk for many years. And will not ever do so. I make better decisions now.
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OzarkPreacher
S.W.Mo. God's Country
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Joined: 02/23/2004
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I did not read that the mother was defending what he did. Only that she was concerned about his possible future complications from the "accident". Should we be concerned for another's future well being? Is the young man repentant for what he caused? Does he show remorse at the accident and his part in or causing of it? The answer to those questions would go a long way for me in how I based my feelings and thoughts about his condition now.
Was/were the DUI(s) and subsequent event which possibly maimed him and maybe others for life something he now regrets or boasts about? If he is repentant then he deserves forgiveness, if not then...
His non repentance or forgiveness does not however make his mother any less a mother who cares about her son. Have my children sometimes done some things I would call stupid? You better know it. And I got irate and told them how stupid their act was. But I loved them thru it and they always knew and know now that Dad is there for them. A stupid act is just that, nothing more. Are consequences deserved? Sometimes they are and sometimes they have to be lived with for many years. The act however does not however have to be the definition of the individual. Repentance brings change, always for the better. Stubborness that defends or boasts of the act simply breeds contempt and disrespect for that individual.
just my.02.
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Burro
U.S.A.
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Joined: 12/14/2004
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Sometimes, try as we might, the apple falls a long way from the tree. I have five kids who are a joy to me and one who might not be worth the powder to blow him to "the hot place".
BUT, he is my son and I love him and I worry about his choices. He knows I don't approve of some of the things he's done. I have ever tried to mold him and guide him, but dang it! it just didn't 'take'.
It hurts me to think my friends might think something I did or didn't do made him the way he is. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't, but I did my best.
I try not to talk about his foul-ups, but with someone I consider a good friend I might. I don't really expect approval or even an answer; just a shoulder.
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cdc
New Braunfels,TX
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Joined: 02/01/2002
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No you are not being hard, just realistic. I know of no one who feels sorry for a person that has 2 DUI's. I wonder how his mother would feel if the next time he maims/kills a close friend or family member. Have you ever wondered how many times he has driven under the influence and didn't get caught. Personally, he needs a little JAIL TIME (6 MOS TO 12 MOS) to dry him out and teach a valuable lesson.
Corky, Gracie, and the Herd
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donsm60
Florida
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Joined: 09/30/2005
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I realize the topic is about having or not having sympathy for the mother of the guy. But if she is always whining about poor Johnny being hurt it would get on my nerves.
Hope everybody is safe in their travels today!
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03Ultra
Central Massachusetts
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Joined: 07/20/2004
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I think that there is a difference between condoning an action and having sympathy for the consequences of the action. I would feel badly for someone who was hurt and may suffer the rest of their lives even if they were hurt due to stupidity on their part.
I am quite certain that if either of my sons did something horrible I would still love and worry about him. Anyone who could not allow for that love would probably not be a friend worth having.
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rvdogmom40
Western Washington State
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Joined: 03/18/2004
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To be empathetic toward your friend does not condone what her son did ie "You are very concerned about your son's future" or some such comment that, without judgment, acknowledges her feelings. She does not want or need your judgment, but your continued friendship. I am sure she knows her son was wrong to drink and drive. If she continues to go on and on, perhaps you could suggest that she talk to a professional.
I have not read all the responses, so if this is a repetition, please excuse
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MAJESTYPOINTERS
MONROE, MI.
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Joined: 04/08/2008
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As some one who was wonce hit by a drunk driver.....
Luckly I servived and the drunk bought the farm.....
My thought is we don't need any tougher laws against DUI....
We just need to let the police officers that find them before they hurt anyone point the drunken B@#$ards to a long drive off a short peer and be rid of them.....
Drunk drivers show no respect for their fellow man and might as well be running the streets shooting people.
In my book it's the same thing.
MURDER!
JMO
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Deb and Ed M
SW MI, USA
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Joined: 06/07/2004
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Camperroo wrote:Your friend sounds like she's just being a mom. The kid has a problem if it's his second DUI, maybe her talking about worrying about his future problems with his injuries is her actually trying to say she's upset that he has a drinking problem but can't get those words out. Personally I would tell her I'm sorry for his injuries, thank goodness he didn't kill anyone and then end it with can I help you in anyway if you're looking for guidance in his drinking issues. She may be trying to start a dialogue she just can't get out. I think she needs a gentle hand of support because I don't think it's the injuries she's actually worried about.
After realizing it was the son's SECOND DUI - I suspect the Mom is scared he'll kill someone or himself the next time...and yes, the Mom needs someone to talk to. I'll bet MADD could help??
Deb
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